arsenal – blog

Alexis Sánchez Breaks Tie For Arsenal With Extra-Time Goal

Alexis Sánchez broke a 1-1 tie for Arsenal with a beautiful goal in stoppage time against Manchester City in today’s semifinals of the FA Cup. With the win, Arsenal will now face Chelsea in the final.

Of Course Arsenal Want To Give Glass-Boned Jack Wilshere A New Contract

Last weekend, Jack Wilshere did what Jack Wilshere always does: get injured. This time (like last time) it’s a fibula fracture, and it has ended his season. In response, Arsenal are reportedly set to do what Arsenal always do: give yet another inflated contract to a guy who can’t stay healthy.

Barron Trump Is A Gooner

At this point, the only foreign policy position I’m interested in hearing from the White House is whether Barron is or is not #WengerOut.

Will Falling Out Of The Top Four Be Enough To Bring Change To Arsenal?

Now seems like as good a time as any to call it, even if it’s not out of the realm of possibility just quite yet: For the first time in 21 years, and the first time in Arsène Wenger’s incredibly long and storied career in England, Arsenal will not finish in the top four.

Crystal Palace Fans Serenade Lame Duck Arsenal Boss, Beg Him To Stay With His Team

Seven points behind fourth place (albeit with two games in hand), Arsenal really needed to win away at Crystal Palace today. Instead Andros Townsend scored a squibber, Yohan Cabaye knocked in a banger, and third-choice goalkeeper Emiliano Martinez pulled down Townsend in the box, leading to a Luka Milivojevic penalty…

Here's Arsène Wenger Physically Embodying The Despair Of Arsenal's Season

Watch this video of an anguished Arsène Wenger as he looks upon his charges while they conspire to throw away the work they’d done just moments earlier to get back on level terms with Manchester City. Wenger sees Mesut Özil cough the ball up, watches City carve up Arsenal’s back line with ease, and by the time Sergio…

Seasons Where Arsenal Finished Fourth And Got Knocked Out In The Round Of 16, Ranked

Somehow, it’s only happened four times.

Arsenal's Champions League Comeback Fantasy Ruined By Penalty And Red Card

Welp, it was fun while it lasted. Despite putting together a lively first-half display, the last vestiges of what little hope Arsenal had of beating Bayern Munich by a huge margin died in this sequence of events early in the second half:

The Soul-Crushing Nature Of Following Arsenal Has Sapped Fans Of Even Their Anger

Of all the casualties at Arsenal during the back half of Arsène Wenger’s tenure—the trophies they haven’t won, the beloved stars they’ve sold to balance the books, the ones they’ve run off once those players’ ambitions swelled beyond the narrow parameters of the club’s own limited aspirations, the big games they’ve…

Alexis Sánchez Is Almost Certainly Gone, Because Arsenal Are A Joke

It’s no big shock that Arsenal emerged from their marquee matchup against Liverpool as the story of the weekend, albeit not in the way the Gunners would’ve liked. The result of that match and its surrounding context means this could prove a pivotal moment in the future of the club and its best player, Alexis Sánchez.…

Now, If Only Liverpool Could Stop Losing To Minnows

On consecutive days in August, Liverpool defeated Barcelona 4-0 and lost to Mainz 0-4 in exhibition matches. Seven months later, it is clear those results were an eerie foreshadowing of how Liverpool’s season would play out.

Arsene Wenger Can't Get Enough Of Managing Arsenal Because He Loves Pain

With Arsenal fourth in the table, 13 points behind league leaders Chelsea, and still raw from a 5-1 Champions League thumping at the hands of Bayern Munich, the season that started so auspiciously for the Gunners is not panning out as expected.

Premier League Ref: Arsène Wenger Told Me To "Fuck Off"

About a month ago, Arsène Wenger got himself a four-match touchline ban for his behavior in a league game between Arsenal and Burnley. We all knew part of the ban was because Wenger pushed the fourth official after being sent to the stands by the head referee, but we didn’t know what exactly he said to get himself…

Fed-Up Chileans Organize March To Convince Alexis Sánchez To Leave Arsenal

Alexis Sánchez, the pride of Chile, is one of the best soccer players on the planet. He’s also trapped on a bullshit team that kind of sucks, where—amazing goals and dribbles and passes be damned—he’ll probably never win anything of major consequence. To top it off, his bullshit team is balking at paying him superstar…

Arsène Wenger Says He Will Manage Next Season, But Maybe Not At Arsenal

Arsenal had a big match in the Champions League on Wednesday, which is another way of saying Arsenal were yet again monumentally embarrassed in a huge moment. Arsenal are also right about at the start of the end stretch of their season, which is another way of saying that Arsenal are already out of realistic…

Alexis Sánchez Does Two Bad Things, Saves Self By Doing Good Thing

Arsenal’s Alexis Sánchez had a chance to level up the game against Bayern Munich with a penalty. He took a bad one, and it was saved. Oops! Thankfully, the ball bounced kindly into his path for an easy rebound. Only he botched that with a whiffed shot. Oops again! The soccer gods smiled on Alexis, though, and gave the…

Arjen Robben Teaches Arsenal Why You Can't Let Him Cut In On His Left Foot

Yes, everyone knows it’s coming. And everyone also knows that the whole point is that even though everyone knows it’s coming, it’s still impossible to stop. And yet it remains hard to watch a team allow Arjen Robben to get onto his left foot and do what he always does, as he’s just done to Arsenal:

Eden Hazard Makes Arsenal Look Like Children

Chelsea doubled its lead on Arsenal early in the second half as Eden Hazard wove his way past a Gunners squad apparently completely made up of the family members of neighboring Mr. Bean.

Danny Welbeck Is Back

Starting for Arsenal for the first time in nine months today, Danny Welbeck is clearly not bothered any more by the knee injury that kept him sidelined for so long. Welbeck scored the first two goals of the day and helped out on the third to put Arsenal up 3-0 over Southampton in the FA Cup, showing his excitement…

Arsène Wenger Banned Four Games For Pushing Referee

Arsenal will be sans grouchy zipper savant/manager Arsene Wenger for four games, after the English F.A. formally banned him this morning. Wenger was charged with misconduct on Monday for an outburst during last weekend’s win over Burnley.

Granit Xhaka Interviewed By Police After Allegedly Calling Airport Worker A "Fucking White Bitch"

Arsenal midfielder Granit Xhaka was in London’s Heathrow Airport yesterday to see off his girlfriend’s brother on a flight to Germany. Things didn’t go as planned, though, and when the brother learned that he would miss his flight, Xhaka allegedly blew up on an employee of the airport, calling the woman “a fucking…

Arsène Wenger Charged By F.A. After Pushing Referee

Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger has now been formally charged with misconduct by the English F.A. after a spat he instigated with the referees during yesterday’s Premier League match against Burnley.

Aaron Ramsey Golazo Draws Arsenal Even

Aaron Ramsey helped wake up a pathetic-looking Arsenal early in the second half of the Gunners’ FA Cup match at Preston North End with this rocket golazo from just outside the box that left keeper Chris Maxwell hopeless. Credit, too, to Alex Iwobi’s heroism in holding onto the ball despite defenders surrounding him…

Good God, This Olivier Giroud Backheel Volley Goal Is Gorgeous

Early in today’s Arsenal game against Crystal Palace, Olivier Giroud offered this work of art:

The Arsenaling Of Arsenal's Season Has Begun

“It’s a horrible week,” Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger admitted after losing to a short-handed and off-form Manchester City team on Sunday—this just a few days after losing to an off-form Everton team in similarly depressing fashion. As expected, this season that looked like it might be The One is beginning to reveal itself to be just like all the others.