foodspin – blog

Let's Fry Some Sweet Plantains, And Then Never Eat Green Bananas Ever Again

When the fabric of my family is someday finally rent, and generations of heirs and descendants wage decades of bitter war upon one another, and oaths become ancient curses until the family tree is left utterly in ruin, the issue won’t be money, or land, or politics, or even whether it is called “tuna fish” or “tuna…

Summer Is Here! Let's Grill Up A Tentacled Monster

It’s gonna be a bright 88 degrees fahrenheit in the nation’s capital next week. Whatever the hell the calendar says, summertime is upon us. There is no force in all the universe that can take it back, now that it has been freely given. No backsies on this one, nature.

Let's Make The Hottest Salsa And Send Our Pampered Asses Straight To Hell

When I was a kid, I once visited a small retail shop in South Carolina that was stocked with nothing but hot sauces. This was the most fascinating place on earth. All the labels on all the hot sauces offered various brags about their spiciness, as if what they had to sell was not the joy of eating or the deliciousness…

Tom Brady’s Expensive Vegan Kibble Is Bland And Revolting

Tom Brady, husband of supermodel Gisele Bündchen, lent his name to one of those companies that send boxes of food to your home for exorbitant fees. Brady and Bündchen employ a personal chef who makes them all sorts of wacky vegan meals that also don’t include things like iodized salt and nightshades, because they have…

Let's Make A Whole Pile Of Warm, Buttery Apple Fritters

This is a true apple fritter story—the tale of one man’s tortured relationship with apple fritters and how they saved his life, ruined his diet, and in the end probably shortened his life.

Let's Fry Some Eggplant, Because It's Possible There Is Nothing Better

With all due respect to falafel, a ripe summer tomato, or one single slice of melted yellow American cheese, the very best non-animal-flesh sandwich filling in existence is fried eggplant. Don’t even think about saying otherwise down in the comments, heretofore an empty place practically crying out for your garbage…

Kettle Chips Flavors, Ranked

Kettle Chips are the finest chip (potato division) that one can find at almost any grocery or convenience store. What sets the mighty Kettle Chip apart from the standard potato chip is its heft and wide range of flavors on offer. Which flavors are the tastiest? Here is a semi-exhaustive guide to the flavors featured…

Let's Make An Enormous Mess, And Also Some Incredible Fried Chicken

Generally speaking, there are three common reasons to make something at home that you could otherwise easily have made for you by someone else: because it is cheaper; because it is more convenient; and because you can turn the thing you’re making into the gravy-soaked, caramel-coated, cheese-laden monstrosity you’ve…

Let's Make Some Crab Dip, The Most Decadent And Delicious Way To Eat Canned Crab

Generally speaking, crab dishes get less reputable the more ingredients they include that are not crab meat. Crab imperial and deviled crab might still show up on the menu at a semi-serious seafood restaurant. Crab puffs make a fine, if indulgent, hors d’oeuvre. I have a crab cookbook in my home, full of adventurous,…

One Braised Pork Belly Taco To Rule Them All

We’ve been down this road, the pork belly road, before. Actually, we’ve been down many roads. Many roads converged in these woods, is what I’m saying. Good roads. Listen. Shut up. We are going to make gooey braised pork belly tacos, and we are going to find our way there via dead reckoning. Strap in.

I Have Conquered The Meaty Cheese Dip

Recently, I had a specific hankering. A hankering for piling delicious meaty cheese dip onto tortilla chips and ramming them into my face. This is the kind of hankering a fundamentally depraved sort of person has when left alone in a home for more than a couple hours: a dark degradation into self-destruction, taking…