Texas Gov. Greg Abbott Is So Bad He Made The NFL Look Like The Good Guy

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott went on Glenn Beck’s radio show yesterday and spewed some bullshit about the NFL (too political!), Colin Kaepernick (snowflake!), sanctuary cities (bad!), and something called the Convention of States project (good!), which, apparently, is a retrograde initiative designed to slash the federal…

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We Talked To Marshall Faulk About Retirement, Donnel Pumphrey, And Angry Pats Fans

Marshall Faulk picked in an inopportune time to dredge up his 2002 Super Bowl beef with New England. The Hall of Fame running back and NFL Network Analyst insisted that Tom Brady’s claim as the greatest quarterback ever should come with an asterisk on the same day that Brady and the Pats pulled off the craziest…

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Austrian TV's Super Bowl Highlight Reel Is Much Better Than Anything Fox Produced

Super Bowl LI was an incredible game that featured a historic comeback and two of the greatest catches in Super Bowl history. But you might not get a sense of how bonkers the Patriots’ unholy comeback was from watching the limp highlight reel that FOX played at the end of the game. If you want the good shit, Austria’s…

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Bill Belichick Is Fired Up About Labor  

The Patriots’ Super Bowl parade is today, and head coach Bill Belichick attempted to fire up the crowd with a spirited chant. If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to receive a pep talk about the virtues of year-round work from a Google Home, you now have your answer:

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Nintendo Literally Switched The Super Bowl

Nine minutes and 40 seconds before the end of Super Bowl 51, the Atlanta Falcons were about to cap off what had until then been a snoozer. Leading 28-12, the Falcons had a 99.9% win probability and had just gotten the ball back, giving them the chance to truly heal America by defeating the New England Patriots. Then,…

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No One Is Happy For The Patriots

Let’s start with the obvious, which is that (gun to head) the Patriots are the greatest dynasty in NFL history. Bill Belichick is the greatest coach in history. Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback in history, with last night being the definitive instance of him performing football miracles with little more than

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What The Hell Was Kyle Shanahan Thinking?

You’ve watched enough football games to understand what’s supposed to happen when a team is up 28-12 and has the ball with 9:40 left to play. They run the ball as much as they can, they squeeze every second out of the game clock, and they win the goddamn game.

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David Ortiz Was Super Pumped About The Patriots' Win

Adopted Bostonian David Ortiz, who knows a little something about improbable comebacks, watched last night’s Super Bowl miracle at home with his family, most likely going from cautiously excited to devastated to deliriously happy like all Patriots fans over the course of the evening. He gave us a glimpse of that last…

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James White's Super Bowl-Winning Touchdown, As Heard On Patriots & Falcons Radio And Around The World

James White’s touchdown in overtime gave the Patriots their fifth NFL title and ended one of the wildest Super Bowls in history. Here’s how that championship-winning play sounded on nine different broadcasts, including, in order: Fox, Fox Deportes, Patriots radio, Falcons radio, BBC Radio 5, Westwood One Radio,…

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Let's Enjoy The Play That Left Tom Brady In The Dust

We all know what happened in the end, but let’s not forget that before orchestrating an instantly-legendary comeback against the Atlanta Falcons and proving that freedom’s enemies will always thrive in 2017, Tom Brady spent the Super Bowl playing like a god damn jamoke, to the joy of millions. With just over two…

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Donald Trump Praises Tom Brady, Vladimir Putin In Batshit Super Bowl Interview

The great tradition of powerful people turning to sports reporters so they can seem folksy—aka avoiding any questions or followups of significant consequence—continued this Super Bowl with our nation’s sentient chancre fielding questions from Jim Gray on Westwood One Sports radio. The interview was recorded before the…

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Tom Brady's Pick Six, As Heard Around The World

So far the biggest moment of tonight’s Super Bowl was Tom Brady throwing a pick-six. For the purposes of critical and educational analysis, we allow you to listen to and discuss the play as it was called by announcers on Fox Deportes, BBC 1, PULS 4 (Austria), and Televisa (Mexico). Which broadcasters called it best?

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Watch Ray Lewis Deliver A Pregame Speech To The Patriots In A Seemingly Empty Garage For No Good Reason 

Have you ever looked around a vacant garage and thought, “Boy, this would be a great place for Ray Lewis to pretend he’s giving a Super Bowl pep talk, repeatedly using ‘we’ and ‘us’ to describe a team he never played for as he pumps up the empty room”? So has the NFL!

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These Beautiful Aquarium Creatures Star In The Only Good Super Bowl Hype Video

‘Tis the weekend for highlight reels interspersed with clips of screaming fans set to bad arena rock music; do not waste your time on those. If you must use a video to prepare yourself for the Super Bowl, let that video be this one—seals and otters and penguins and a beluga whale, among many adorable others, cheering…

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What Time Does "What Time Does The Superbowl Start?" Start?

The Super Bowl is allegedly this weekend, and reports indicate that the contest will be played in Houston between the Atlanta Falcons and New England Patriots.

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Canadian Super Bowl Broadcaster Forced To Air Stupid American Ads For Free

This morning, a spokesman for Bell Media announced that the company would be laying off an undisclosed amount of workers at over two dozen locations. With over 6,000 employees, Bell is Canada’s largest media company. They are the parent company of Canadian sports giant TSN and they have broadcast partnerships with…

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