I'm Sorry To Report That Roger Ailes Ever Lived

Inevitably, in the torrent of obituaries to come, someone will recite a list of Roger Ailes’s personal failings, repugnant views, and malignant actions, but then be sure to credit him with having been a brilliant provocateur or a visionary broadcaster or some shit. “For better or worse,” they will preface it.…

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The FBI Was Never Going To Save The Republic You Dolt

A few minutes ago, this blog post was very long. I’d been working on it all day! It was like 1,200 words long and I wasn’t half finished. Then I deleted all that shit, because actually, what’s true and worth saying about Donald Trump’s surprise firing of FBI director James Comey is pretty simple.

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Let's All Celebrate These College Graduates Raining Boos Upon Betsy DeVos

Education Secretary and billionaire school-privatization huckster Betsy DeVos, who is going to be very bad for the state of American education, was invited to speak a graduation ceremony today. That’s inexplicable. That it was at historically black Bethune-Cookman University—after DeVos idiotically linked HBCUs to her…

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Clippers Owner Acquires Basic Grasp Of Political Economy For $10 Million

Clippers owner Steve Ballmer is one of the richest men in the United States, with an estimated net worth north of $27 billion. He was one of the very first Microsoft employees, and he worked as the company’s CEO for 14 years before stepping down and buying the Clippers in 2014. As an ultra-rich, recently retired guy…

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We're The Only Ones Who Can Stop This War

A couple of weeks ago, despite their party controlling the entire legislative pipeline, the Republicans’ effort to unravel and replace the Affordable Care Act—a movement-defining initiative they’d been promising for over seven years—collapsed after a mere 17 days, without ever coming up for a formal vote in the House…

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Arkansas Fans No Longer Allowed To Bring Guns Into Stadiums

Despite the best efforts of the NRA, gun owners in Arkansas will not be allowed to bring their concealed handguns to Razorbacks football games this year. The Arkansas House of Representatives passed SB 724 this afternoon with a 71-20 vote. The vote came a week after Governor Asa Hutchinson signed HB 1249 into law,…

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Wait, Let's Clown These Scrub-Ass Doofuses Some More

Seventeen days. That’s how much stamina flinty-eyed deal master Donald Trump, sober policy knower Paul Ryan, and all the Republican Party had for a health care overhaul they’d been promising for seven years, before the work of negotiating amongst themselves overwhelmed them and they retired to their fainting couches.…

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Trump Makes Thirsty Business Asshole Tell Flattering Golf Story

Here’s Day-Glo leatherette Cialis tote Donald Trump, in a meeting with various manufacturing executive types, prodding General Electric CEO Jeffrey Immelt to tell the story of the time Trump boasted about being a rich person who plays golf (probably true) and then hit a hole-in-one on his own golf course (hmmmmm).

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A President You Can Drink Bleach With

This seems a good moment to revisit “He seems like he’d be a good guy to have a beer with,” the shorthand explanation for the rank anti-intellectualism that put George W. Bush in the White House 17 years ago and later flowered, in our somehow even dumber present, into “Uh actually stupid idiots are good” and made…

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Donald Trump Stunned To Learn Presidency Is An Actual Job, His First

Maybe you’d better sit down for this one. According to a report by Politico, corned-beef dirigible Donald Trump, a skill-free inheritance baby with a virtually unbroken lifelong track record of incompetence and failure, has found that running the United States government is a tougher job than lending his name to…

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Craven Reporters Scold BuzzFeed For Reporting News

As you’re likely aware by now, yesterday evening BuzzFeed published a dossier of allegations about Donald Trump, including the instantly unforgettable description of a hotel-room piss party with Russian prostitutes. This set the internet on fire for much of last night and dominated a bizarre press conference held…

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