It's Time To Speculate About Peyton Manning's Political Aspirations

Now that Peyton Manning, the ad pitchman and NFL quarterback, has retired from one of his two day jobs, it’s natural to wonder what comes next. He’s still making a string of commercials, but he hasn’t made much visible progress toward finding new football-based employment. Jay Glazer reported earlier this month that…

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Gregg Popovich Expresses Support For The Women's March, Again Criticizes Donald Trump

On a day that saw millions around the world march in support of women’s rights and against President Donald Trump, San Antonio Spurs coach Gregg Popovich was in Cleveland preparing his team to play a basketball game. Speaking with reporter pregame, Popovich spent five minutes praising marchers and criticizing Trump…

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Ortiz Vs. Sonnen Will Give You What You Want

Saturday night, at the end of the first full day of the Trump administration, a former UFC champion will compete against a perennial UFC title challenger, but it’ll go down in Bellator, which is probably more appropriate for where we’re all psychically at right now. All fights have a theme, and this one’s is America’s…

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Trump's Education Secretary Pick On Guns In Schools: "What About Grizzly Bears?"

Betsy DeVos, a galactically rich and galactically evil anti-public school, anti-gay rights donor appointed by Donald Trump to be our country’s next Education Secretary, is going through confirmation hearings tonight (sports angle: her shitty father owns the Orlando Magic). She was asked about guns in schools. She said…

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The Spy Who Compiled The Golden Showers Dossier Helped Bring Down Sepp Blatter

A day after Donald Trump held a press conference to decry Buzzfeed’s reporting, spout nonsensically about how he doesn’t do treason, and claim that he wouldn’t take part in a golden shower party because he’s a germaphobe, the Wall Street Journal has reported the identity of the British spy who helped compile the…

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Craven Reporters Scold BuzzFeed For Reporting News

As you’re likely aware by now, yesterday evening BuzzFeed published a dossier of allegations about Donald Trump, including the instantly unforgettable description of a hotel-room piss party with Russian prostitutes. This set the internet on fire for much of last night and dominated a bizarre press conference held…

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Donald Trump Denies That He Hired Russian Hookers For Golden Shower Party

This evening, Buzzfeed News published a dossier full of Donald Trump gossip that has apparently been circulating among politicians, intelligence officials, and journalists. The claims include allegations that Trump rented out the same Moscow hotel room that the Obamas stayed in and hired a pair of prostitutes to…

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Newspaper Scientists Engineer Story That Will Make Everyone Self-Righteously Angry

It’s easy to write a story that pisses off one or two demographics. But how can you piss off every demographic simultaneously—all for different reasons? At last, the New York Times may have pinpointed how to accomplish this proud feat.

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How Sports' Idiotic War On Drugs Might've Helped Give Us President Trump

It begins with the cyclists, of course. Just before the 1998 Tour de France, a Belgian trainer named Willy Voet was arrested while crossing the border into France because his car was filled with a tremendous amount of performance-enhancing drugs. The subsequent investigation (which became known as the Festina Affair)…

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Trump Nominates Florida Panthers Owner As Secretary Of The Army

President-elect Donald Trump announced today that he intends to nominate billionaire Florida Panthers owner and army veteran Vincent Viola as the Secretary of the Army, a non-cabinet level position. The Panthers said Viola’s appointment will not change anything about the team’s day-to-day operations, which surely must come as a crushing blow to Panthers fans.

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