Tony Romo Will Wear Full Uniform, Spend Game On Bench For The Mavericks

With the news of Tony Romo’s retirement and move to the broadcast booth now official, the Mavericks have decided to honor him with something better than your usual rinky-dink pregame ceremony. They’ve instead opted to give him a “Maverick for a day” treatment that will reportedly include wearing a uniform and sitting…

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San Francisco 49ers CB Tramaine Brock Arrested For Felony Domestic Violence

This afternoon, Santa Clara, Calif., police announced that San Francisco 49ers cornerback Tramaine Brock has been arrested for felony domestic violence and booked into Santa Clara County Jail. Per their press release, officers went to a home yesterday near the 49ers’ stadium and arrested Brock after they’d “learned…

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Marquis Bundy Arrested For Disorderly Conduct After Getting Very Upset That Someone Took His Hat

Cardinals wide receiver Marquis Bundy was arrested on charges of disorderly conduct and failure to obey a police officer over the weekend outside a club in Scottsdale, Ariz. Per initial reports, it sounded like a fairly garden-variety drunken late-night “scuffle.” The arrest video, published today by TMZ, shows…

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The Ringer's Mike Lombardi Claims Seven Insights Into Good Quarterbacks, Actually Has None

Michael Lombardi is a former football executive with the San Francisco 49ers, Philadelphia Eagles, Oakland Raiders, and Cleveland Browns; now he writes a football column for his good buddy Bill Simmons’s website The Ringer. If you would like to know why he failed in the former career, look no further than the article…

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Reports: Tony Romo Will Replace Phil Simms In CBS Broadcast Booth

Tony Romo, who will be released today by the Cowboys and reportedly retire, will join the CBS broadcasting booth and be paired with Jim Nantz as the network’s lead football analyst, reports John Ourand and Adam Schefter. Schefter adds that he might eventually broadcast golf for CBS as well.

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Brian Kelly Thinks DeShone Kizer Needed More Time At The Toilet Factory That Is Notre Dame

College coaches pull this card all the time, and it’s never surprising. There’s an argument for giving football players, particularly quarterbacks, a paid developmental league or some stage in between college and the NFL, but Brian Kelly, who led Notre Dame to an absolutely abysmal 4-8 season in 2016, is not in a…

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Oh, Look, More Disgusting Shit From The Loathsome Art Briles Apology Tour

Three weeks after former Baylor football coach Art Briles wrote the public a mewling letter promising that he’s really a stand-up guy, he’s continuing on his quest to repair his image and lock down a new coaching job. Briles was a guest speaker at yesterday’s Birmingham Football Coaching Clinic, saying that he wants…

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Adrian Peterson Is In Exile

Two weeks ago, when the Minnesota Vikings signed free agent back Latavius Murray, general manager and honorary third Bayless brother Rick Spielman said publicly that the signing meant that Adrian Peterson will not be back with the team next season. Since then, Peterson has languished in free agency, purporting to be…

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Penn State Trustee: "Running Out Of Sympathy For 35 Yr Old, So-Called Victims" 

Ex-Penn State president Graham Spanier was found guilty of a misdemeanor charge of child endangerment last week, for his failure to act upon information from graduate assistant Mike McQueary that he’d witnessed Jerry Sandusky engaging in sexual activity with a boy in a campus shower. The conviction followed former…

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Jim Harbaugh And Chip Kelly Go To Bat For Colin Kaepernick

NFL free agency began three weeks ago, and Colin Kaepernick is still a man without a team, even in a league in which Mike Glennon just got $19 million guaranteed to actually start for someone. Is Kaepernick being blackballed because of his national anthem protest? It he still unsigned because of his lack of ability?…

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Report: The NFLPA Already Has Problems With Tom Coughlin

Tom Coughlin, the Jaguars’ new executive vice president of football operations, has been brought into Jacksonville to try and turn the Jaguars into a competent football team. That means he’s bringing back all the principles of the Red-Faced Old Man management he developed in New York, and according to a report from…

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The Billion-Dollar NFL Concussion Settlement Is A New Kind Of Disaster

The six-year long, billion-dollar NFL concussion class-action lawsuit is finally drawing near a close, but the infighting and confusion that has dogged the suit since its beginning continues as fierce as ever. And it’s seriously threatening the likelihood that players will collect anywhere near the settlement they won.

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The Las Vegas Raiders Are Screwed

The Raiders are moving to Vegas and are getting the most expensive stadium in history out of it in the process, but who exactly in gonna visit this monstrosity, especially on a Sunday, with no gambling allowed inside the joint? And how is this all a poorly veiled scheme to help enrich Jerry Jones? That, my friends, is…

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Roger Goodell To City Of Oakland: Once Again, Fuck You

With NFL owners set to vote this week on the Raiders’ relocation to Las Vegas, Roger Goodell has sent one more it’s over message to the city of Oakland. Though the move is reportedly all but officially a done deal, the city presented one final plan to keep the team this week, with a proposal for a $1.3 billion stadium…

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Reports: Second Ex-Baylor Football Player Arrested In 2013 Sexual Assault Case

Former Baylor linebacker Shamycheal “Myke” Chatman was arrested today in connection to a 2013 sexual assault case, in which a woman has said she was gang raped by two football players, according to multiple reports. The Waco Tribune-Herald and local TV station KWTX both reported that Chatman was arrested on sexual…

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NFL Developing New Way To Drain All Joy From Sport For No Reason

The NFL will develop “an educational training video” on how to celebrate a fucking touchdown, according to a tweet this morning by executive vice president of football operations Troy Vincent, who if this was not the most embarrassing thing he has ever announced in public has had an extremely awful life.

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High School Football Coach Suspended After He Allegedly Put His Dick In A Hot Dog Bun And Showed Players 

A high school football coach in Spokane, Wash., has been suspended with pay while the school investigates complaints that he exposed himself to students at a leadership camp last summer. According to public records describing the allegations, which were obtained by local news organizations, the coach put his penis in…

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The Case Of The Missing Tom Brady Super Bowl Jersey Has Only Gotten Better

Earlier today, the NFL announced that authorities had recovered Tom Brady’s missing Super Bowl LI jersey, as well as the quarterback’s jersey from Super Bowl XLIX. As more evidence about the case has been released, the story has gotten even more bizarre.

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Sports Columnist Invents Unfortunate Acronym

Chicago Tribune sports columnist Bernie Lincicome has been at this for a long time, and after so many years spent writing takes, he probably has trouble coming up with ways to keep his column fresh. In his latest piece about new Bears quarterback Mike Glennon, Lincicome tried to put together a cute acronym and came up…

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Kirk Cousins, Who Sure Seems To Have Asked For A Trade, Says He Never Asked For A Trade

Last week, amid the Skins’ latest attempt to prove that they are the most grotesque and embarrassing franchise in sports, ESPN’s Chris Mortensen reported that quarterback Kirk Cousins had asked team owner Dan Snyder to trade him. Cousins then went on Adam Schefter’s podcast to set the record straight, only he didn’t…

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