mls sucks – blog

This Chris Wondolowski Whiff Is A Crime Against Soccer

Remember when Chris Wondolowski was presented with a golden chance to put the USMNT through against Belgium at the 2014 World Cup and proceeded to completely screw it up? This is worse.

St. Louis Citizens Reject Paying For An MLS Stadium

St. Louis is one of 12 cities vying a spot in the next round of MLS expansion, which will see four new teams join the league over the next few years. Sacramento is virtually assured a spot, despite some wild ownership shenanigans, which means that the other cities up for a spot face stiffer competition than the odds…

"Footy McFooty Face" Leads Fan Vote For San Diego's Potential MLS Team Name

It’s pretty easy to come up with the kind of barfy, ahistorical team names MLS franchises love to pick, so kudos to the ownership group trying to invent a soccer team in San Diego and buy its way into the league for crowdsourcing a little more imagination. Though maybe “Footy McFooty Face” wasn’t quite what they…

Bastian Schweinsteiger Becomes Latest Old Guy To Head For MLS

Three years ago, Bastian Schweinsteger was on top of the soccer world. He was starting for the best club and national teams in the world, winning the Champions League for Bayern Munich in 2013 and the World Cup for Germany in 2014. The do-it-all midfielder won eight Bundesliga titles with Bayern and seven DFB-Pokals,…

Atlanta United Fans Break Out Homophobic Chant During Inaugural Game

Atlanta’s new MLS team made its debut on Sunday, losing to the New York Red Bulls 2-1 in front of 55,000 new fans. Some fans cheered the team on and enjoyed themselves, some fans continued to engage in embarrassing “football” cosplay, and some fans got homophobic.

Soccer Comes To Atlanta

Dennis Schröder and Monica enjoy the festivities during The Atlanta United FC’s inaugural game, while a bored-looking Yung Joc poses next to them, seeming to belie his claim that “anywhere you meet me, guaranteed to go down.”

This Horrendous Atlanta United Fan Chant Is The Nadir Of American "Football" Cosplay

If you haven’t yet grasped why American soccer’s penchant for ripping off European fan culture without any of the history or tradition from which the real culture emerged is so embarrassing—think MLS team names like Sporting KC and D.C. United, or incidents like New York Red Bulls “ultras” tossing garbage bags at and …

Mike Piazza Shits On St. Louis And Major League Soccer At The Same Time, Achieves Glory

Mike Piazza, Hall of Famer and the best-hitting catcher in major-league history, is having a fine time in Italy these days. Much of it has to do with Reggiana, the third-tier soccer club in which he purchased a majority stake last year, and the New York Times’s Andrew Keh wrote a wonderful story about this for…

MLS's Simple Transfer Rules Explained In One Handy Chart

Wonder why some college soccer players are drafted into MLS while others are signed outright? Or why some players coming from overseas have their MLS destinations selected for them while others personally handpick the team they’ll play for?

Missouri Governor-Elect Takes Bazooka To MLS Hopeful's Stadium Financing Plans

Missouri’s recently elected governor, Republican Eric Greitens, is a former Navy SEAL, a devoted humanitarian, and a man who ran a campaign ad that was just 20 seconds of him firing a Gatling gun. All of that means he doesn’t take any shit, not when justice is at stake. The vampires trying to suck over $100 million…