new england patriots – Page 13

LeBron Nearly Took Out Bill Belichick

Patriots coach Bill Belichick was in attendance for last night’s 103-99 Celtics win over the Cavs, and he had good seats:

Gronk Tries To Get 69 Out Of "Monster Girl," Fails

Rob Gronkowski is, for whatever reason, on Fox’s Daytona 500 coverage today, and he’s doing roughly what you’d expect him to be doing. Here he’s talking to a young woman identified as a “Monster girl,” and not quite getting the answer he was going for.

Aaron Hernandez's Attorneys Might Argue That Weed Made Him Violent

Opening arguments in the second Aaron Hernandez homicide trial begin next week and ahead of the start of the trial, his attorneys have filed a list of witnesses they might call or mention during the trial.

Chris Long Responds To Dummies Criticizing Him For Not Visiting The White House

Patriots defensive end Chris Long is one of the handful of players who have publicly stated that they will not be going on the Super Bowl champions’ customary trip to the White House. Long has predictably been catching shit from fans and various internet morons over his decision, and last night he decided to respond…

Peter King Profiles Tom Brady, Who Drinks Salt And Smiles And Therefore Is A Genius

Of all the clichés of the hack celebrity profile, perhaps the most overdone is the one where the writer opens with an observation of the famous person’s eating or drinking behavior from across a table. You’ve encountered this countless times, I’m sure: the bombshell sex-symbol tearing lustily into an implausibly huge,…

Tom Brady Is A Cockroach

Zoo Atlanta and Rhode Island’s Roger Williams Park Zoo made a cheesy Super Bowl bet, in which the losing zoo would have to name a baby animal after the winning team’s quarterback. Since the Patriots won, meet Tom Brady, a baby Madagascar hissing cockroach:

Four More Patriots Plan To Skip White House Visit

Since New England Patriots Devin McCourty and Martellus Bennett voiced their intentions to skip a ceremonial visit to the White House, four more of their teammates have said they’ll also pass on the trip. Not all of them are doing it because of Donald Trump’s existence, however.

Let Us Now Praise The Patriots' Super Bowl Defense

Much of the blame for the Falcons’ monumental choke job in Super Bowl 51 fell on Kyle Shanahan for his aggressive play-calling, and that’s fair. It’s screamingly obvious Atlanta should have run the ball more or milked the clock to keep Tom Brady and the Patriots from even having a chance to storm all the way back. But…

Mic'd-Up Julian Edelman Argued With Falcons Defender Over Whether He Caught That Ball

Even after all the replays and photos, it’s still hard to believe that Julian Edelman made that catch.

Austrian TV's Super Bowl Highlight Reel Is Much Better Than Anything Fox Produced

Super Bowl LI was an incredible game that featured a historic comeback and two of the greatest catches in Super Bowl history. But you might not get a sense of how bonkers the Patriots’ unholy comeback was from watching the limp highlight reel that FOX played at the end of the game. If you want the good shit, Austria’s…

Michael Floyd Overcomes DUI Arrest To Become A Super Bowl Champion

There are many different paths a player can take to get to a Super Bowl victory. Some, like Malcolm Butler and Tom Brady, start out as unknowns but turn into essential components. Others, such as Dont’a Hightower and Devin McCourty, come with expectations around them, which they fulfill. Michael Floyd’s path was not…

Gronk Goes Shirtless At Parade, Chugs Beers, Laughs At The Number 69

Rob Gronkowski, who gained his powers after he was accidentally left behind during a government test of a nuclear sacktap, missed the Patriots’ Super Bowl run with a back injury, but he was in attendance for the championship parade in Boston today. The tight end played his greatest hits.

Bill Belichick Is Fired Up About Labor

The Patriots’ Super Bowl parade is today, and head coach Bill Belichick attempted to fire up the crowd with a spirited chant. If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to receive a pep talk about the virtues of year-round work from a Google Home, you now have your answer:

Patriots Devin McCourty And Martellus Bennett Won't Visit Trump White House

New England Patriots players and Super Bowl champions Devin McCourty and Martellus Bennett have both independently said that they won’t attend the team’s ceremonial visit to the White House to celebrate their title with President Donald Trump.

Boston Police Applaud Rule-Breaker For Sticking It To The Man

There’s a lot going on here, but congratulations to the Boston PD for releasing a take bursting with so much Massholery that it’s incapable of being parodied.

Julio Jones Did What He Could

Julian Edelman made a ludicrous catch last night, going to the ground to keep the ball while being tackled by three Falcons defenders, but he wasn’t the only receiver on the field making impossible catches when his team needed them most.

Martellus Bennett's Daughter Is Moving Up The Sports Baby Rankings

Riley Curry and T.J. Smith might be feeling comfortable at the top of the sports baby hierarchy but Jett Bennett, Patriots tight end Martellus Bennett’s daughter, laid down the foundation for her campaign after New England’s Super Bowl win last night.

Donald Trump Is The Ultimate Frontrunner

On top of everything else, Donald Trump is the scummiest kind of sports fan. The Patriots were losing 28-3 in the third quarter when he ditched his Super Bowl watch party in Florida:

Gisele Was The Only Good Fan

Think back to last night’s broadcast: Did you see many crowd shots that didn’t focus on celebrities? Did you see any? You did not, and you never do at the Super Bowl, because the NFL allocates the vast majority of tickets to corporate sponsors. There just aren’t that many actual fans of either team there.

Someone Seems To Have Stolen Tom Brady's Super Bowl Jersey

We have an honest-to-God post-Super Bowl mystery on our hands, and I am elated. You see, Tom Brady doesn’t know what happened to his game jersey:

No One Is Happy For The Patriots

Let’s start with the obvious, which is that (gun to head) the Patriots are the greatest dynasty in NFL history. Bill Belichick is the greatest coach in history. Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback in history, with last night being the definitive instance of him performing football miracles with little more than …

A Timeline Of Proposed Super Bowl 51 Headlines From Last Night

The Deadspin staff convened in our staff chatroom last night to discuss and coordinate our coverage of Super Bowl 51 while we all watched it from our various homes and/or Super Bowl parties. As the game unfolded, staffers suggested various headlines for our postgame story; I’ve compiled them into a grimly illuminating…

What The Hell Was Kyle Shanahan Thinking?

You’ve watched enough football games to understand what’s supposed to happen when a team is up 28-12 and has the ball with 9:40 left to play. They run the ball as much as they can, they squeeze every second out of the game clock, and they win the goddamn game.

David Ortiz Was Super Pumped About The Patriots' Win

Adopted Bostonian David Ortiz, who knows a little something about improbable comebacks, watched last night’s Super Bowl miracle at home with his family, most likely going from cautiously excited to devastated to deliriously happy like all Patriots fans over the course of the evening. He gave us a glimpse of that last…

Julian Edelman Caught That Somehow

So, there it is, right there in the above photo. One inch, maybe two, between football and turf? Some barely countable fraction of a second that felt like it took forever as the ball hung, seemingly unmoored from gravity, precisely long enough for Julian Edelman to double-clutch. An instantly iconic catch, equal parts…

James White's Super Bowl-Winning Touchdown, As Heard On Patriots & Falcons Radio And Around The World

James White’s touchdown in overtime gave the Patriots their fifth NFL title and ended one of the wildest Super Bowls in history. Here’s how that championship-winning play sounded on nine different broadcasts, including, in order: Fox, Fox Deportes, Patriots radio, Falcons radio, BBC Radio 5, Westwood One Radio,…

All The Falcons Had To Do Was Not Lose 23 Yards

If there was a sequence where the Falcons lost this game (in actuality it was every single drive after New England got the ball with 8:31 left in the third quarter, as the Patriots scored on every one of their remaining possessions—all five of them—while the Falcons couldn’t muster another point) it was the plays…

Let's Enjoy The Play That Left Tom Brady In The Dust

We all know what happened in the end, but let’s not forget that before orchestrating an instantly-legendary comeback against the Atlanta Falcons and proving that freedom’s enemies will always thrive in 2017, Tom Brady spent the Super Bowl playing like a god damn jamoke, to the joy of millions. With just over two…

Tom Brady Seals Status As Greatest Player Ever As Nation Mourns

Those wild, magical assholes managed to do it again. For the fifth time in seven appearances, the New England Patriots are Super Bowl champions.

Tom Brady's Pick Six, As Heard Around The World

So far the biggest moment of tonight’s Super Bowl was Tom Brady throwing a pick-six. For the purposes of critical and educational analysis, we allow you to listen to and discuss the play as it was called by announcers on Fox Deportes, BBC 1, PULS 4 (Austria), and Televisa (Mexico). Which broadcasters called it best?