Bastian Schweinsteiger Becomes Latest Old Guy To Head For MLS

Three years ago, Bastian Schweinsteger was on top of the soccer world. He was starting for the best club and national teams in the world, winning the Champions League for Bayern Munich in 2013 and the World Cup for Germany in 2014. The do-it-all midfielder won eight Bundesliga titles with Bayern and seven DFB-Pokals,…

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Spanish Soccer Dads Celebrate Father's Day By Beating Each Other Up

A game between Spanish youth sides Alaró and Collerense was interrupted and later canceled yesterday after a bunch of riled up sports parents got into a big brawl. El Confidencial reports that an Alaró player made a hard tackle, which sparked an argument. The argument then roped in a herd of overeager parents, who ran…

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South African Soccer Player Accidentally Thanks Both Wife And Girlfriend In Post-Game Talk

The South African Premier League’s Mohammed Anas won Man of the Match for his two goals in yesterday’s Free State-Cape Town game. Good stuff! Except for his acceptance speech, in which he thanked both his wife and girlfriend (before backtracking to assure his wife that, really, he loves her so much!).

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Soccer Guy's Arm Is All Types Of Fucked Up After Collision With Keeper

It’s No. 9 in blue, Fenerbahçe’s Fernandão, that you want to be watching here, even if both he and the keeper he ran into are writhing on the ground following their collision. It’s not exactly a gross injury, but the look of Fernandão’s arm just hanging there—it’s reportedly broken—is pretty disturbing.

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Would You Eat A Peeled Banana That Other People Touched?

Manchester United’s Marcos Rojo brought a glimmer of excitement to an otherwise dull afternoon of Europa League soccer by eating a banana. United was up 1-0 over Rostov in the second leg of the round of 16, when Rojo, apparently, felt like he was cramping up and requested a nanner.

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Romelu Lukaku Knows He Has Outgrown Everton

It’s not quite the juiciest quote from Romelu Lukaku’s wide-ranging media session with reporters Tuesday, during which he clarified just how serious his desire is to play for a truly great, title-challenging team—be that at Everton or, more likely, elsewhere—but this response to a question about where he sees himself…

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Are Three Aging Goalkeepers The Best U.S. Soccer Has To Offer?

On Wednesday, U.S. men’s national team coach Bruce Arena announced the roster for the USMNT’s upcoming World Cup qualifiers against Honduras and Panama. There were no huge surprises, except maybe for the inclusion of Clint Dempsey, who recently returned to soccer after being sidelined with an unspecified heart…

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Manchester City Knocked Out Of Champions League; Leicester Last English Team Standing

The Foxes were the best English team in the Premier League last year, and apparently they’re the best English team in the Champions League this season. With Manchester City’s 3-1 loss to Monaco today, Leicester fucking City are the final representatives in Europe’s top competition from the Best League in the World™.

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Christian Pulisic's Swag Is Crazy High Right Now And It's Beautiful To See

Highly coveted wonderteen and future Ballon d’Or winner Christian Pulisic scored the first goal in Borussia Dortmund’s 3-0 win over Lotte in the German Cup yesterday. The goal itself was fine, the product of Pulisic’s smart movement but mostly Ousmane Dembélé’s unreal skills. But check out Pulisic’s reaction after he…

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Leicester City's Champions League Dream Survives Another Round

That’s Wes Morgan up there leaning into his “Captain Morgan” nickname, peering through a mimed telescope after scoring Leicester City’s opening goal against Sevilla and seeing that indeed, his rowdy bunch of scalawags were right on course to make it to the Champions League quarterfinals.

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Paul Pogba Is Good

If the statement in the headline of this post—Paul Pogba is good—seems ridiculous to you, too trivially obvious to be worth saying, then you’re in luck, because it means you haven’t had your mind numbed by some of the predictably over-the-top criticism he has been subject to since joining the Premier League, the…

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Brazilian Soccer Guy Who Ordered His Ex Tortured To Death Signs With New Team

Bruno de Souza is the latest player signed by second-tier Brazilian side Boa Esporte. He’s made his name tending goal for prominent Brazilian teams like Flamengo and Atlético Mineiro—and also for being sentenced in 2013 to 22 years in prison after he was found guilty of arranging the murder of Eliza Samudio, his…

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Jose Mourinho Talks More Shit, Says "Judas Is No. 1"

Nothing—not losing, not winning, and certainly not cascading jeers from fans of his former club—will stop Jose Mourinho from talking heaps of trash. The man simply cannot help himself. On Monday, the fighting words came after Manchester United’s 1-0 loss to Chelsea in the FA Cup quarterfinal, during which Chelsea…

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All Hell Breaks Loose As Players, Fans Brawl On Pitch During Brazilian Soccer Game

Early on in this video, you’ll think you have some understanding of just how insane the action got during Sunday’s Gama-Brasiliense soccer match in Brazil. But then you’ll get to the part where a few fans take a break from a punchy tug-of-war to strip another fan of all his clothes, save his underwear, while kicking…

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Tiny Russian Boy Meets José Mourinho, Can't Contain His Joy

If you’d like to see what the sentence “Oh my god, this is the coolest thing that has ever happened to me!” looks like when played out in real life, this Russian kid’s reaction to seeing José Mourinho in the tunnel before yesterday’s Rostov-Manchester United match will do the trick:

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Barcelona's Comeback-Sealing Goal, As Heard Around The World

It’s been nearly an entire day and it’s still hard to believe that what happened yesterday actually happened. (Six to one!!!!!!) Relive some of the insanity of the Sergi Roberto goal that capped off Barcelona’s incredible Champions League comeback against Paris Saint-Germain with calls of the moment from across the…

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Barcelona Knew They Could Do The Impossible

The most revelatory story that emerged before today’s Barcelona-PSG Champions League rematch was a funny little nugget about Barcelona’s outsized confidence in their impending victory.

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USWNT Concedes A Pair Of Easy Goals To France

France took a 2-0 lead against the United States Women’s National Team into halftime tonight without having to do much besides let Eugénie Le Sommer run at the USWNT’s center backs and let them fall over themselves to give her easy paths to goal. It started in the seventh minute, when Allie Long got turned into a…

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