Barcelona Fans Celebrate Messi Goal With Homage To His Clásico Celebration

It was a full-on party today in Barcelona as the Catalan club blasted Osasuna by a score of 7-1. Before the game, fans unveiled a massive banner to commemorate Lionel Messi’s 500th Barça goal, the one he scored this weekend when he snipped the balls off of Real Madrid and then celebrated in the most badass way…

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Premier League Player Banned 18 Months For Betting On Over 1,000 Soccer Matches

Burnley midfielder and one-time England international Joey Barton has been banned from soccer for 18 months by the F.A. today after an investigation revealed he had bet on 1,260 matches from 2006 to 2013, including at least five games in which he himself played. Barton released a statement owning up to what he called…

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Brazilan Keeper Who Ordered His Ex-Girlfriend Tortured And Murdered Will Return To Prison

Brazilian goalkeeper Bruno de Souza—who signed for second tier club Boa Esporte last month—will return to prison to serve his 22-year sentence for organizing the torture and murder of his ex-girlfriend, Globo reports. The Brazilian Superior Federal Tribunal (the Brazilian equivalent of the Supreme Court) voted 3-1 to…

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Lionel Messi Turned A Meaningless Clásico Into One For The Ages

Barcelona probably won’t win anything significant this season. They remain underdogs for the league title, were ousted from the Champions League by Juventus after surviving the Paris Saint-Germain tie by the skin of their teeth, and can only really count on a Copa del Rey consolation prize to cap off what has been an…

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Report: Knee Injury Will Keep Zlatan Ibrahimović Out For Rest Of Season

Zlatan Ibrahimović, Manchester United’s ageless striker, hyperextended his knee in yesterday’s Europa League match against Anderlecht. It looked like a bad injury in live time, and indeed it appears it was: Sky Sports is reporting that the injury is likely to end Ibrahimović’s season early.

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Colombian Soccer Club Accidentally Mourns Living Player With Taps, Moment Of Silence 

Before the start of Independiente Santa Fe and Santos FC Copa Libertadores group stage match on Wednesday night in Bogotá, Colombian club Santa Fe intended to honor former Santos player Alexandre de Carvalho Kaneko, who recently died. Instead, they memorialized current Santos striker Ricardo Oliveira, who was…

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Prosecutors: Dortmund Bus Bomber Was Carrying Out Get-Rich-Quick Scheme

German authorities have arrested a 28-year-old man of German and Russian descent who they believe tried to blow up the Borussia Dortmund team bus before a Champions League game earlier this month. According to prosecutors, the man carried out the bombing in order to drive down Borussia Dortmund’s stock price so that…

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Madrid Derby Is The Highlight Of The Champions League Semifinal Draw

Another Madrid Derby in the Champions League had to happen sooner or later. And after two UCL finals in three years between Atlético Madrid and Real Madrid, it’s a nice change of pace to see the city rivals clash in the semifinal this time. Here’s the semifinal draw in it’s entirety:

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Chill Teen Marcus Rashford Saves Manchester United's Ass

It was a little over a year ago when we were first introduced to Marcus Rashford, then a largely unknown Manchester United youth teamer who was called on to rescue United in the Europa League. His heroic performance that day augured well for the young striker, and Rashford has only continued bolstering his reputation…

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All The Dumb Paul Pogba Haters Need To Check Out This Outrageous Pass 

Yes, yes, this is just a single play. One pass doesn’t prove a player is good or consistent or any of the other positive traits needed to attain elite status. But just look at this ridiculous heat seaker of a pass and try to argue, as many have done this season, that Paul Pogba isn’t awesome:

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Of Course Arsenal Want To Give Glass-Boned Jack Wilshere A New Contract

Last weekend, Jack Wilshere did what Jack Wilshere always does: get injured. This time (like last time) it’s a fibula fracture, and it has ended his season. In response, Arsenal are reportedly set to do what Arsenal always do: give yet another inflated contract to a guy who can’t stay healthy.

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Referee Blunders Spur On Real Madrid's Murdalization Of Bayern Munich

Real Madrid scored three goals in about 10 rampaging minutes of extra time against 10-man Bayern Munich in the Champions League quarterfinals to win 4-2, and advance to the semifinals, 6-3 on aggregate. And while Bayern blew it and Real made the plays they needed to win it, it’s hard not to come away from the match…

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English Soccer Fans Learn Their Club Will Be Promoted To Premier League, Lose Their Minds

Twenty years ago, English soccer club Brighton and Hove Albion were languishing in the fourth and lowest tier of the English Football League pyramid, at risk of losing their place in the league altogether. On Monday, they sealed their spot in the Premier League, and next season they’ll play in the top-flight of…

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Argentine Soccer Fan Declared Brain Dead After Being Shoved Over Stadium Railing

Emanuel Balbo, a 22-year-old Argentine man, has been pronounced brain dead due to injuries he suffered at a soccer game when attackers in the stands pushed him over the stadium railing during a match between local rivals Belgrano and Talleres on Saturday.

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More Magic From America's Wonderteen Christian Pulisic

American soccer sensation Christian Pulisic has had a hell of a week. Less than 24 hours after the Dortmund bus was bombed heading to its home stadium, Pulisic played the second half of Borussia Dortmund’s Champions League tie with Monaco and enlivened a dull BVB attack with incisive running and quick passing…

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German Investigators: "Significant Doubt" That Radical Islamists Responsible For Borussia Dortmund Bombing

Investigators in Germany are saying that this week’s bombing of a Borussia Dortmund team bus was likely not the work of radical Islamists, and letters found at the scene hinting at such motivation were likely “an attempt to trick people into thinking there was an Islamist motive,” per the BBC.

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Report: Cristiano Ronaldo Paid $375K To Woman Who Claimed He Raped Her

German news magazine Der Spiegel released a report yesterday saying that Real Madrid star Cristiano Ronaldo reached a $375,000 settlement in 2010 with a woman who alleged he raped her in a Las Vegas hotel. Gestifute, the sports agency that represents Ronaldo, later released a statement calling the report “journalistic…

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Sergio Ramos Orchestrates Nearly Perfect Set Piece With Just A Few Nods Of His Head

We’ve previously extolled the virtues of Real Madrid’s header-scoring genius, Sergio Ramos, and our appreciation for this set piece savant has only grown after seeing the following video. Watching Ramos’s mind work in realtime—as he interprets the situation, visualizes the best outcome, then effectuates his plan by…

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Europa League Match Delayed After Lyon Fans Run Onto Pitch To Escape Fireworks

Lyon beat Besiktas by a goal tonight in the home leg of their Europa League series, but the game was delayed about 45 minutes after Lyon fans ran onto the pitch just before the scheduled kickoff time. According to the club, Besiktas fans tossed “projectiles and fireworks” into the bleachers from up above, which…

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