soccer – Page 478

David Moyes To Sunderland Fans: Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here

Sunderland are in trouble. The squad is bad, the team is broke, and the man overseeing it all, once-heralded and now cosmically beleaguered manager David Moyes, can’t muster the will to even feign optimism.

Soccer Guy Gets A Goal, A Fiancée, And A Yellow Card All In One Sequence

We can now place public proclamations of everlasting love alongside ugly tackles, bare-chested celebrations, and diving as things that are against the rules in soccer.

Jermaine Jones Calls Tim Howard's Comments On USMNT Dual Nationals "Dangerous Stuff"

On Tuesday, USMNT goalkeeper Tim Howard questioned the passion of his dual-national teammates, in part blaming them and their lack of American-ness for the USMNT’s recent string of poor results. He tried walking back those comments by citing the strong play of dual-national teammates Jermaine Jones and Fabian Johnson,…

Tim Howard Also Has Bad Takes On Foreign-Born USMNT Players

USA Today got ahold of Tim Howard, and for some reason he decided to criticize a number of his United States Men’s National Team teammates as lacking sufficient passion for their country:

What FIFA And The Cameroon National Team Are Doing To Joël Matip Is A Travesty

Sepp Blatter may have been ousted from the corrupt and labyrinthine bureaucracy he constructed out of the billions of dollars that FIFA funnels in from the world’s love of soccer, but lest you worry that the organization isn’t as perplexingly, exasperatingly stupid as before, we have the case of Liverpool, the…

British Police Have Identified Over 500 Potential Victims Of Sexual Abuse In Soccer

Britain’s National Police Chiefs’ Council has released an update on the widespread investigation into sexual abuse in British soccer and the numbers are staggering. According to the NPCC, there are:

Come Now Tottenham To Challenge For The League

Spurs have been here before.

Sevilla End Real Madrid's 40 Game Unbeaten Run With Two Late Goals

Real Madrid hadn’t lost since an April Champions League match against Wolfsburg, winning or drawing 40 games in a row to set the record for longest unbeaten streak in Spanish soccer history. But that ended at the Estadio Ramón Sánchez-Pizjuán in Seville this evening, as Sevilla stormed back from a 1-0 deficit to…

Everton Rout Manchester City 4-0

Manchester City went to Goodison Park today and got drubbed, as Everton put four past Pep Guardiola’s side. It was the type of match that will embolden critics of Guardiola’s style, as City controlled 71 percent of the possession and had twice as many shots as Everton, but lacked a cutting edge.

FIFA Player Concedes Just The Dumbest Goal

Once I was playing the FIFA 17 demo and I somehow managed to score an own goal while trying to do a goal kick. That self-own pales in comparison to the goalmouth-scrambler conceded by Reddit user redz615 yesterday. Please enjoy the cinematic sendup that this dumb goal truly deserves.

Reports: Diego Costa Dropped From Lineup, Told To Take His Ass To China

Current Premier League leaders Chelsea are headed to Leicester to play the defending champions this weekend, but they’ll reportedly do so without leading scorer Diego Costa. Things were going so well for Costa just a week ago, but according to a series of reports, Costa and manager Antonio Conte did some rowing.

Sorry, Thomas Müller Can't Talk Right Now

Unfortunately, German soccer star Thomas Müller cannot answer any of your questions at this time. As you can see, he is on a very important phone call:

Dimitri Payet Doesn't Want To Play For West Ham Anymore

Last season was West Ham’s best since the founding of the Premier League, as they finished seventh and qualified for the Europa League. Their talisman was attacking midfielder Dimitri Payet, who led the team with 12 goals and 14 assists in all competitions. Payet capped his year with a starring turn at Euro 2016,…

The World Cup Is Probably Expanding To 48 Teams, But That Might Be Okay

The docket at the FIFA governing council’s meeting tomorrow morning in Zurich includes the following items: “Approval of the Media and Marketing Regulations for the FIFA Beach Soccer World Cup Bahamas 2017”; “Monitoring Committee Israel-Palestine”; as well as “Format of the 2026 FIFA World Cup.”

I Can't Stop Watching This Soccer Teen Destroy His Defender

The name of the guy with the ball is Riccardo Orsolini, a 19-year-old who plays for Ascoli in Italy’s Serie B, and is supposedly on his way to Juventus. The name of the guy falling over doesn’t matter, because he has departed from this earth. He’s dead. RIP.

Aaron Ramsey Golazo Draws Arsenal Even

Aaron Ramsey helped wake up a pathetic-looking Arsenal early in the second half of the Gunners’ FA Cup match at Preston North End with this rocket golazo from just outside the box that left keeper Chris Maxwell hopeless. Credit, too, to Alex Iwobi’s heroism in holding onto the ball despite defenders surrounding him…

Bad Soccer Teen Cut For Savage Tweets To Premier League Player

Alfie Barker, the 19-year-old striker who before today played in England’s 10th division, watched yesterday’s Bournemouth-Arsenal match and had some thoughts. He was none too impressed with Bournemouth giving up a three-goal lead in the eventual 3-3 draw. And so he sent these tweets to Harry Arter, Bournemouth’s…

Missouri Governor-Elect Takes Bazooka To MLS Hopeful's Stadium Financing Plans

Missouri’s recently elected governor, Republican Eric Greitens, is a former Navy SEAL, a devoted humanitarian, and a man who ran a campaign ad that was just 20 seconds of him firing a Gatling gun. All of that means he doesn’t take any shit, not when justice is at stake. The vampires trying to suck over $100 million…

Diego Costa And Eden Hazard Are Good As Hell Again

Remember this past summer, when Chelsea were reportedly sniffing around every big-name striker out there in an effort to find a replacement for the once-feared, maybe-fallen (and possibly fat?) Diego Costa, who just a couple season ago looked like a legit (and arguably literal) world-beater? And when there was a…

Good God, This Olivier Giroud Backheel Volley Goal Is Gorgeous

Early in today’s Arsenal game against Crystal Palace, Olivier Giroud offered this work of art:

Soccer Fan Takes Ball Square In The Face

A spectator at yesterday’s Porto-Feirense Portuguese league cup match learned the hard way to never look away from the match, even for a moment.

USWNT Unlikely To Reach New CBA On Time After Ousting Union Head

The current agreement between the U.S. Soccer Federation and the U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team Players Association is set to expire at the end of this year—just a few days away. But in the midst of negotiations, the players announced tonight that they are parting ways with union head, Rich Nichols, who has been the executive director of the USWNTPA since 2014.

Harry Kane jokes about NFL kicking career after skying penalty kick vs. Southampton

Crazier things have happened.

Samir Nasri Tweets, Deletes Claims Of "Full Sexual Service" From L.A. IV Treatment Center

It looks like Samir Nasri took a quick trip to L.A. while Sevilla is on winter break. How relaxing: the sun, the sand, the IV vitamin therapy, the “full sexual service.”

Bob Bradley Fired By Swansea City

Less than three months after becoming the first American to manage a club in the Premier League, Bob Bradley has been sacked by Swansea today. Unfortunately, it is well-deserved.

Henrikh Mkhitaryan Was Offside But Who Cares Because This Goal Was Dope

Henrikh Mkhitaryan has only gotten a handful of Premier League starts this season, a fact that has given United fans good reason to grumble. After you see the goal he scored against Sunderland today, you’ll understand why they want him on the pitch more often.

When Your Mate's Knackered And You Can't Be Arsed To Knock Him Up

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Reports: BIG SAM BACK

Sky Sports and the BBC are reporting that the inevitable will soon be made official: Crystal Palace, a single day after canning Alan Pardew, will appoint former England manager (that really happened, right?) and relegation zone escape artist Sam Allardyce as their next manager.

Chinese Club Buys Oscar For Ungodly Sum Of Money And Nothing Makes Sense Anymore

The insanity of the Chinese Super League’s all-out assault on the traditional soccer hierarchy continues apace. All of it is shocking and none of it makes sense but this does indeed appear to be the new reality.

Alan Pardew Sacked At Crystal Palace After Not Doing Jack Shit With Lots Of Money

After two years of up-and-down management of Crystal Palace (the “up” referring to his swashbuckling midseason heroism of his first few months at the club which brought the Eagles out of danger and led them to 10th place in the table, and the “down” the current campaign that has them teetering on the edge of the relegation zone), Alan Pardew has been fired today.