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On Wednesday, U.S. men’s national team coach Bruce Arena announced the roster for the USMNT’s upcoming World Cup qualifiers against Honduras and Panama. There were no huge surprises, except maybe for the inclusion of Clint Dempsey, who recently returned to soccer after being sidelined with an unspecified heart…
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The Foxes were the best English team in the Premier League last year, and apparently they’re the best English team in the Champions League this season. With Manchester City’s 3-1 loss to Monaco today, Leicester fucking City are the final representatives in Europe’s top competition from the Best League in the World™.
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Highly coveted wonderteen and future Ballon d’Or winner Christian Pulisic scored the first goal in Borussia Dortmund’s 3-0 win over Lotte in the German Cup yesterday. The goal itself was fine, the product of Pulisic’s smart movement but mostly Ousmane Dembélé’s unreal skills. But check out Pulisic’s reaction after he…
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That’s Wes Morgan up there leaning into his “Captain Morgan” nickname, peering through a mimed telescope after scoring Leicester City’s opening goal against Sevilla and seeing that indeed, his rowdy bunch of scalawags were right on course to make it to the Champions League quarterfinals.
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If the statement in the headline of this post—Paul Pogba is good—seems ridiculous to you, too trivially obvious to be worth saying, then you’re in luck, because it means you haven’t had your mind numbed by some of the predictably over-the-top criticism he has been subject to since joining the Premier League, the…
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Bruno de Souza is the latest player signed by second-tier Brazilian side Boa Esporte. He’s made his name tending goal for prominent Brazilian teams like Flamengo and Atlético Mineiro—and also for being sentenced in 2013 to 22 years in prison after he was found guilty of arranging the murder of Eliza Samudio, his…
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Nothing—not losing, not winning, and certainly not cascading jeers from fans of his former club—will stop Jose Mourinho from talking heaps of trash. The man simply cannot help himself. On Monday, the fighting words came after Manchester United’s 1-0 loss to Chelsea in the FA Cup quarterfinal, during which Chelsea…
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Early on in this video, you’ll think you have some understanding of just how insane the action got during Sunday’s Gama-Brasiliense soccer match in Brazil. But then you’ll get to the part where a few fans take a break from a punchy tug-of-war to strip another fan of all his clothes, save his underwear, while kicking…
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Sergio Ramos has a magical forehead imbued with the power to score clutch goals. This head of his brings unending joy to Real Madrid fans, despair to opponents and rivals, and is arguably the most valuable body part in Madrid this side of Cristiano Ronaldo’s priceless right leg.
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José Mourinho thinks he deserves credit for Chelsea’s success this season. You can tell that this is true because he has said the exact opposite.
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If you’d like to see what the sentence “Oh my god, this is the coolest thing that has ever happened to me!” looks like when played out in real life, this Russian kid’s reaction to seeing José Mourinho in the tunnel before yesterday’s Rostov-Manchester United match will do the trick:
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It’s been nearly an entire day and it’s still hard to believe that what happened yesterday actually happened. (Six to one!!!!!!) Relive some of the insanity of the Sergi Roberto goal that capped off Barcelona’s incredible Champions League comeback against Paris Saint-Germain with calls of the moment from across the…
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The most revelatory story that emerged before today’s Barcelona-PSG Champions League rematch was a funny little nugget about Barcelona’s outsized confidence in their impending victory.
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Borussia Dortmund lost 1-0 to Benfica in Lisbon, Portugal two weeks ago, necessitating a strong performance today in the second leg of their Round of 16 Champions League tie to advance. They needn’t worry, because the wonderteen was there.
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France took a 2-0 lead against the United States Women’s National Team into halftime tonight without having to do much besides let Eugénie Le Sommer run at the USWNT’s center backs and let them fall over themselves to give her easy paths to goal. It started in the seventh minute, when Allie Long got turned into a…
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Welp, it was fun while it lasted. Despite putting together a lively first-half display, the last vestiges of what little hope Arsenal had of beating Bayern Munich by a huge margin died in this sequence of events early in the second half:
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Atlanta’s new MLS team made its debut on Sunday, losing to the New York Red Bulls 2-1 in front of 55,000 new fans. Some fans cheered the team on and enjoyed themselves, some fans continued to engage in embarrassing “football” cosplay, and some fans got homophobic.
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This Orlando City fan went for a shortcut, and paid dearly. The prolonged dusting of his clothes is an admirable effort in trying to play it off like nothing happened.
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The young boys on the USMNT U20 team won their age group’s CONCACAF Championship this weekend. Which, for diehard American soccer fans, should be great, being a good omen for the future and all. But fuck that. I never want to root for anyone with one of these nearly universally terrible names.
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It’s no big shock that Arsenal emerged from their marquee matchup against Liverpool as the story of the weekend, albeit not in the way the Gunners would’ve liked. The result of that match and its surrounding context means this could prove a pivotal moment in the future of the club and its best player, Alexis Sánchez.…
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César Carrillo gave his Jaguares side a 1-0 lead over Millonarios with a golazo from distance that brought a, uh, modestly full Estadio Jaraguay to a frenzy.
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On consecutive days in August, Liverpool defeated Barcelona 4-0 and lost to Mainz 0-4 in exhibition matches. Seven months later, it is clear those results were an eerie foreshadowing of how Liverpool’s season would play out.
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Both Tyrone Mings and Zlatan Ibrahimović somehow avoided penalties after swapping some nasty plays in Manchester United and Bournemouth’s 1-1 draw today. After first clashing when Ibrahimović seemingly pushed Mings to the ground, things really got heated just before halftime when Ibrahimović tripped and Mings stomped…
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The United States’ U-20 team is taking on El Salvador for a spot in the U-20 World Cup tonight, and they’ll be through to the tournament if they do anything besides lose by multiple goals. If they win or draw, they’ll play Honduras for the CONCACAF U-20 championship.
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Late on in today’s Atlético Madrid-Deportivo match, Fernando Torres clashed with a Deportivo player while going up for a header, and fell face first onto the ground, apparently unconscious. The way Torres fell itself is nasty, but it’s the distraught reaction of the players who saw the injury up close that makes the…
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Just when it looked like Atlético Madrid would come away empty handed after a deep blast from full back Filipe Luís came crashing off the woodwork, Antoine Griezmann responded almost immediately with an even more audacious hit of his own that sailed over the keeper’s head and into the back of the net.
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